Yes, I’m Still Alive.

i’m sorry i left this blog unattended to. for the past weeks, my life has been filled with countless of dramas and work to complete. i still am really busy and stressed up over many things, but this is probably the only time i want to blog about them.

i lost someone dear to me on easter morning. the news came so quickly and everyone was very busy with the funeral. it was so sudden it didnt really hit me until a few days later, after the cremation. i wasn’t close to my grandaunt… we spent very little time together, but that didn’t stop her from loving me for who i am, unconditionally. i’m starting to miss her very much and i wish so badly i could rewind time to just have a nice breakfast with her at a quaint coffee shop on a saturday morning.

i’m graduating next month. this is the time when everyone goes “wah… so fast la! time flies hor!”. i guess time really flies, eh. like it was just yesterday i bought my kukumalu notebook from kinokuniya for my first semester in college, and tomorrow’s going to be the last day of my seventh semester. so in just less than 30 days, i’m a diploma in communication graduate. quite excited, quite lost too!

i have been planning for my degree since a year ago. but everytime i decide on something, other things come about and i have to decide all over again. now it feels like – i’m graduating in a month’s time and and, what to do what to do what to do? there are so much decisions to make that i often find myself crying with over 30 prospectus of different universities lying around me. what course? where? the fee? the scholarships? the duration? credit transfer? the essays? what do i really want? too many questions. too many opinions. too many suggestions. too many options. it’s as though i’m standing there, right there, all alone, with lots of split roads ahead of me and i dont know which leads me to the road i want to end up at.

life hold too much uncertainties, isnt it? i’m exhausted with life actually. tired of crying. tired of talking. tired of explaining. tired of working. tired of fighting. tired of defending. tired of standing. but that’s about it. you still pick yourself up after a good night’s sleep and move on with life the morning after.

i’m going to get my good night’s sleep now.